Aviation jokes
1. A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes lat...
2. Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and ...
3. Ever wonder why they never show the film ALIVE in-flight?...... It's not b...
4. A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening ...
5. A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it reached a comfortable cruisi...
6. A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York. During the meal service, he ...
7. A young lady was conducting a study in to human sexual behavior. She came ...
8. The Captain was Jewish, and the new First Officer was Chinese. It was the ...
9. An employee of USAir with the last name of Gay boarded a USAir flight with ...
10. During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National Aeronau...
11. Southwest Airlines makes humor a high priority. Here are some actual humor...
12. Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives acco...
13. An airline stewardess was giving the standard safety briefing to the passe...
14. At one of the packed, Delta ticket counters all of ticket agents were doin...
15. A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas to Chicag...
16. Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela are in an airplane with 2...
17. An airplane was losing altitude over the Rocky Mountains. The pilot over th...
18. There were three guys in an airplane. One guy dropped a rock, another dropp...
19. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the dela...
20. One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seat...
21. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable ...
22. An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being sma...
23. A man named Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco to LA. Unexpectedly th...
24. Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred wo...
25. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his sh...
26. A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. ...
27. A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline cou...
28. Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law ...
29. Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed ...
30. An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles...
31. Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain, "...
32. The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were often short-tempered. They ...
33. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lo...
34. Pilot says: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going...
35. United Airlines FA: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all now painfully awar...
36. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of t...
37. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask y...
38. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ...
39. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on w...
40. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you f...
41. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particul...
42. It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passen...
43. An airplane pilot dies at the controls. He goes to Hell. The devil takes him...
44. How does the captain know the aircraft is safely at the ramp? Both the engine...
45. After the first takeoff of the fully automatic airplane, the passengers hear...
46. As the airliner was preparing to land in Madrid in a rainstorm, an English p...
47. While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked ...
48. An airplane was flying from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, t...
49. Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and re...
50. A pilot and a co-pilot were descending for a landing at an airport they had ...
51. A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and general...
52. "Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees.." "But Center, we ...
53. Cessna: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel." Tower...
54. A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, "How long does it ...
55. A man walks up to the counter at the airport. "Can I help you?" asks the age...
56. How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb? None, it is done by th...
57. Pilot: Tower, please call me a fuel truck. Tower: Roger. You are a fuel tr...
58. Tower: Shamu two-two, please state estimated time of arrival. Pilot: Ok, l...
59. Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not? Pilot: Yes. Tower: Yes what?? Pi...
60. LH741: Tower, give me a rough time check Tower: It's Thursday, Sir.
61. Pilot: Tower, there's a runway light burning. Tower: I'm sure there must be ...
62. Tower: Lufthansa 893, you're number one, check for workers on the taxiway. ...
63. Tower: Mission triple-three, do you have problems? Pilot: I think, I have ...
64. Tower: Cannot read you, say again! Pilot: Again!
65. Tower: What's your heigth and position? Pilot: Well, I'm 6 foot tall and I'm ...
66. Tower: Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hour...
67. "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead ar...
68. USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied thei...
69. Pilot: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel." Tower:...
70. As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the tr...
71. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power a...
72. A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this after...
73. On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in ne...
74. A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the...
75. An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin cr...
76. A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he's falling...
77. "This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome...
78. Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying ab...
79. One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seate...
80. A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been ...
81. Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Sec...
82. A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how...
83. At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding ...
84. It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he wa...
85. Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes...
86. Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relative...
87. Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relative...
88. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX ...
89. According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibra...
90. I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747. I said "Hi Jack." He shot me.
91. All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skyd...
92. An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The ...
93. As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-ye...
94. McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. Th...
95. As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilo...
96. What is ideal Flight Deck complement for a modern airliner? A Captain, a ...
97. How does the captain know the aircraft is safely at the ramp? Both the engine...
98. After the first takeoff of the fully automatic airplane, the passengers hear...
99. A pilot and a co-pilot were descending for a landing at an airport they had ...
100. A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and general...
101. Little boy to airline pilot: "You're a pilot?!?!? That must be exciting." ...
102. "Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your wings.." "OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ...
103. "Flight 1234, are you ready to copy holding instructions?" "Center, make th...
104. On a flight with EasyJet back in 1997 the pilot made what can only be descri...
105. ATC: "Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? " Cessna: "To get my Commerc...
106. A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot, but she keeps ...
107. A small twin-prop commuter plane was hijacked by a desperate animal rights e...
108. A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those comput...
109. Stewardess" "Yes, Sir?" "I want to complain about this airline. Every time I...
110. Once as Laloo was coming out of airport, there was huge rush and the securit...
111. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignmen...
112. "I've never flown before, said the nervous old lady to the pilot. "You will ...