Accountant jokes
1. An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the di...
2. Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of...
3. An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Do...
4. A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical ex...
5. Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures.
6. Why accountants don't read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page ...
7. A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Want to hear an ...
8. If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? "Darling, could you ...
9. A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read...
10. A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an ...
11. A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring account...
12. Q: What is a Budget? A: An orderly system for living beyond your means.
13. How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? "What kind of ans...
14. What's the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn...
15. What's the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole na...
16. When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realises he does...
17. Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at....
18. What's an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humour.
19. Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping t...
20. What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.
21. What does an accountant use for birth control? His personality.
22. What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talk...
23. What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone? Popular
24. What's the definition of unlikely? A photo-spread in Playboy titled 'The Worl...
25. What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room? Refusing to fill out ...
26. How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand...
27. What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into t...
28. What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into t...
29. What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It's 9.18 am and 12 ...
30. The accountant's prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant d...
31. Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party: ".......and ninth...
32. What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.
33. What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mo...
34. How do you know accountants have no imagination? They named a firm Pricewater...
35. There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and ...
36. What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost
37. How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft? When he actually ...
38. When do accountants laugh out loud? When somebody asks for a raise
39. Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays? They can wear casual clothes t...
40. How do you know when an accountant's on holidays? He doesn't wear a tie to ...
41. What would Economics be without assumptions? Accounting
42. What does CPA stand for? Can't Produce Anything
43. What does FCPA stand for? Finally Caught Pinching the Assets
44. Why did the auditor cross the road? Because he looked in the file and that'...
45. Why did he cross back? So he could charge the client for travel expenses.
46. How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb? How many did it take...
47. How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb? Hmmm...........
48. Laws of Accounting 1. Trial balances don't 2. Bank reconciliations never d...
49. Who was the first accountant? Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the ...
50. What's a shy and retiring accountant? An accountant who is half a million s...
51. A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new account...
52. A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The d...
53. A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the...
54. The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old da...
55. Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child: "No, son. When ...
56. Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensi...
57. "The auditors have just left, sir." "Did they check the books?" "Very ...
58. The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient. "This is good news....
59. The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his j...
60. An auditor is checking the books of an airline. He is puzzled by the excess ...
61. An auditor was examining the balance sheet of a mining company that had just...
62. Mr Evans was the Chief Accountant of a large manufacturing concern. Every da...
63. A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional ma...
64. Once upon a time there was a beautiful oil company. All day long she loved t...
65. There once was an accountant who lived her whole life without ever taking ad...
66. A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob ...
67. An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows h...
68. Three partners in an accounting firm go out to lunch. They are the audit par...
69. An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies ...
70. A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the...
71. The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, appl...
72. A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated t...
73. Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: What sort ...
74. What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talk...